Patricia McSorely on the problems of the Drink...

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Patricia McSorely on the problems of the Drink...

Post by jj.mccarroll » Thu Aug 30, 2007 3:33 pm

Then there was Jimmy White, who “…used to go to Clogher wants [sic] a week with his donkey and cart. He’d always go to the Post Office first and collect his pension, then he’d get his business done around the town. He had a habit of going into this particular store near closing time. I think it was Johnston’s.
“You see they had a good yard attached to the shop and he could throw the donkey a handful of hay and he’d leave him and the cart there, knowing they were safe. He’d head up the town to the nearest pub where he’d spend an hour – or maybe more, depending on the crack.
“The shop boys were fed up with this carry on because they weren’t allowed to leave the store without closing the big railed gates on the yard. One day they decided they would sicken him.
“As usual, Jimmy was in the pub and the donkey and cart were in the yard. So, they unharnessed the donkey and led him out of the yard, then closed the gates. They ran the shafts of the cart out through the bars or iron rails and harnessed the donkey again. Off they went.
“Yer man, Jimmy, came back eventually with a few in him and was very surprised to see the donkey out on the pavement. He caught her by the whiskers. ‘Come on Nelly,’ says he. Nelly couldn’t budge.
“He turned back to inspect and saw what was wrong.
“‘God, damn me Nelly, I always knew you were a twister, but how the hell did you get yourself into this hank?’”

Then there was Willie Wang, “as we called him. [He], lived on hes own, there where Father Connolly lives now, and he was a bit scarred of the P.P. Anyhow, he come home this night from his ceili and knowed that there was someone in the kitchen because the hairy ned was off the door.
“Pushing the door before him he says, ‘Who are you anyway?’
“‘I’m the devil out of hell,’ came the reply.
“‘Oh, dammits, tha’s not so bad,’ says he, ‘I thought you was the Parish Priest.”

Finally, “Wee Torry Tague was drawin’ turf to the priest’s house and he was right’n fond of a drop o’ drink.
“Handling him this glass o’ whiskey the priest says, ‘You know, I shouldn’t be giving you this. Every time you take one of these you’re putting a nail in your own coffin.’
‘Go on out o’ that,’ says Torry. ‘Just stick another nail in it when you have the hammer in your hand.’”

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